Dear USO
Well, it’s the day after sentencing. My first official day as a prisoner. I think I’m still a bit shocked, actually. I’m not sure! I guess I still feel the same as before sentencing. ‘Numb’ I wasn’t feeling anything. Moments before sentencing, I wasn’t scared. My heart wasn’t beating out of control like it usually does when s**t’s about to hit the fan. The many thoughts that race through my mind weren’t there. I’ve been going to court so many times throughout this year that maybe I just didn’t care anymore. Maybe I did care because, honestly uso, I wasn’t expecting 11 years. I was expecting less but, oh well. You do the crime, you do the time. It still hasn’t quite kicked in yet. I can say I’m in an actual jail now (nothing to be proud of).
Mt Eden prison, on the third storey of the south wing. It’s old, like some sort of a medieval castle, a dirty old s**t hole. I can certainly feel the history of this place. The evil, the bad and the ugly, it’s creepy. I’m all good uso. I appreciated you and the boys being in court yesterday, showing the support for your uso. I felt the love despite the loneliness of standing in that dock feeling the weight of the law crashing down on me. I held my head up high, hearing the judge hand down that 11 years for aggravated robbery. I tried not to show weakness as I looked back at my mum in tears, as well as my partner. The pain I’ve caused so many people as I walked off the dock and away from freedom. What I did was f**ked up! For so little I’ve paid a heavy price. My good boy image had everybody in disbelief eh?
Big scene, we just carry, we just carry on as if nothing’s happening. After the showers, the call was made for breakfast. The warder called out a few names. Those prisoners were to pack their belongings after breakfast and ready for the bus to ‘Pare’ Paremoremo prison. My name wasn’t called out but I’m hoping to head there in the coming days or hopefully the new prison, Spring Hill, south just before Meremere. I’d go crazy if they sent me down the line somewhere. This is one of the consequences. You really don’t have a say in where they send you. This really sucks now; it’s starting to hit me now. What if they send me to Rimutaka or Christchurch? I’ll never see my precious little daughters for ages. They say ‘harden up’ but it’s hard when you have little kids. Damn, I miss them so much. I miss everybody and everything, even the littlest of things we take for granted out there that never cross our minds, I think of and miss as I sit in my jail cell. Even opening a window, now my window to the outside world for the next decade is a 14 inch TV screen. Uso, do not come into prison!! Don’t do anything stupid that may land you in here for the year I was in remand. I heard so many of these criminals stories and I’ve found that it always seems to end with Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve. Anyhow, I’ll end this letter here bro. this has been a brief in the events and thoughts of the last 24 hours. All my love to the family and the boys. I’ll write some more in the coming weeks.
ALL I REALLY WANT…… is to make the most of my time in jail.
My new year’s resolution is to give up smoking, write a children’s book and have a regular work-out/training schedule, so I can have a Sonny Bill Williams body. The main goal is the ‘stop smoking’. I realize I’m in here and missing out important years with my kids, and I have to make up for it when I get out. Having my health and living long enough to watch them grow, and so far so good. I’m not very good at writing but I have a lot of thoughts and to save myself from being seen as that guy who talks to himself, or to the wall, I write it down. I’ve written a little story, needs work but it’s a start. The third is really ambitious, but I’ve got plenty of time for it. It won’t happen overnight but it will happen!
The letter I wrote is to the uso’s that jail is not the place you want to be. I just thought after reading your article on “GANGS, a family affair?” I could share my experience as a first time offender/prisoner as I see it. Maybe, it would help deter our boys away from here. Your magazine is not the type of mag’ I get into, but since we prisoners are not allowed ‘BOYS’ MAGAZINES anymore, my girlfriend has brought me the last 2 editions.
Yours faithfully
T.B.
(full name withheld)
Leaders Not Followers
